Peter Middleton

Be Kind.

These two words have been imprinted on my mind ever since I started as Headmaster of Oswestry School in January last year, the imperative given to me by a 9 year old pupil at the school when I asked her what words of advice she had for a new Head.

As a relatively small school with just under 500 pupils aged from 4-18, ours is a close-knit community and one that places great emphasis on empathy, compassion and kindness. I see it every day in the interactions between pupils, between colleagues, and between pupils and colleagues, and this spirit of camaraderie and kinship is exactly what gives the place such a friendly feel.

In a world that is increasingly focused on the individual, we would do well to heed the advice of that youngster. Rather than look out for ourselves, we should look instead to help others. Rather than relentlessly pursuing individual success, we should look instead to how we can help others achieve. Staying true to that mantra, the ripples of kindness have the potential to swell into great waves.

Deliberate Acts of Kindness

My dad was- and is- one of the kindest, most caring people I know. I was remembering recently this thing that he’d occassionaly do when we were growing up in Scotland and we were travelling north from Edinburgh where we lived. To cross the Firth of Forth you had to travel over a road bridge which, in those days, required a toll payment, it’s fee something like £1.60 to travel over in a car. From time to time as we pulled up to the toll booth, my dad would pay his £1.60 and then leaning back in the car, he’d fish out a further £1.60 and hand it through to the person manning the kiosk. “That’s for the car behind”, he’d say, and then leaving a look of puzzlement on the face of whoever was on the kiosk, he’d drive off. I asked my dad once why he did this- these were not people he knew in the cars behind, these weren’t his friends, these were – in reality- people he’d likely never even meet. His response was simply that it would brighten up their day and they might, in turn, seek an opportunity for generosity and kindness themselves. Less a random act of kindness; this was deliberate, intentional kindness.

The Gift of Encouragement

Just such a spirit of giving was famously exemplified by New Yorkers Michael and Joy Brown whose names will not necessarily be remembered in the annals of history other than for the impact their generosity had on the world of literature. Back in Christmas 1956, the Browns invited their friend for Christmas dinner as they often did. She was an aspiring writer but struggling to balance her job and finding the time to write. That Christmas, however, things were about to change. Michael and Joy Brown gave their friend a Christmas present that would not only change their friend’s life, but would likewise have a profound impact on the world of literature. Once their children had ripped open the wrapping paper on all their presents and the day was coming to a close, the Browns told their friend to go to the Christmas tree where she would find an envelope. There in the envelope was a letter that said simply, “You have one year off from your job to write whatever you please. Merry Christmas”. Their friend was in disbelief, but the Browns told her it was no joke. They’d had a good year and had saved enough money to give her an opportunity to really make it as a writer. Their gift would in fact be a gift to the entire world, for their friend was Harper Lee and that year with the financial support of the Browns, she would write the novel To Kill a Mockingbird, now widely regarded as one of the truly great novels of the 20^th century and one that has sold over 30 million copies worldwide. Without this act of kindness, that novel may never have been written.

Cultures of Kindness

There’s a great moment in Mockingbird where the central protagonist Atticus Finch gives some advice to his daughter Scout, sage advice that we’d do well to heed:

“First of all,” he said, “if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view…until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

Not all acts of kindness have to be about financial giving; just as impactful is the gift of understanding, getting alongside others and taking time to empathise.

Healthy schools- and healthy organisations – are ones where there is just such a culture of kindness, empathy and understanding. Individuals feel included and part of a community; nobody feels like an outsider.

A kind and considerate approach isn’t weak or ‘soft’, in fact quite the opposite; strength comes from the authenticity and inclusivity of just such a culture. If we feel understood, valued, and listened to, then we’re going to experience a greater sense of belonging, a greater sense of camaraderie and community, and a greater sense of shared purpose. That advice from the 9 year old pupil- be kind – wouldn’t be out of place as sage wisdom for the CEOs of our most successful organisations, and indeed in a great many of these organisations, just such a culture has been developed, and has in fact played a pivotal role in their success.

Stretching Out a Hand

In Robert William Service’s poem ‘Compassion’, the narrator describes ignoring “a beggar in a street”, turning away from him and buttoning up his coat only to observe a hard-working mother take out from her purse a penny and give it to the man in spite of her own needs. As he walks further, he encounters “a shabby dame” feeding six sparrows “as they came/in famished flight”. The narrator is humbled by this act of kindness from the frail impoverished lady who feeds “with pure delight” the “crumbs of her last crust”. The example of these two women moves the narrator to repent of his self-absorbed ways, and he resolves to help others- whether “bird, beast or man” by daily undertaking a “kindly deed”:

For God knows it is good to give;
We may not have so long to live,
So if we can,
Let’s do each day a kindly deed,
And stretch a hand to those in need,
Bird, beast or man.

It’s a nice thing that we have a ‘Random Act of Kindness’ Day (which this year is Friday 17 February), but we should not store up our kindness for one day in the year. Rather, it should be a part of our daily habit, a value that informs the way we speak, the way we think and the way that we act.

Each and every day, there are opportunities for stretching out a hand to those in need- whether literally or otherwise- and if in our example we can encourage others to do the same, then our schools, our organisations and the very fabric of our society will be all the better for it.

I for one will continue to be guided by the imperative from that nine year old pupil- be kind – and one year on it remains the best piece of advice I’ve been given. Let kindness ripple into great waves!